AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

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AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  kr15 on Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:10 pm

Ok it's a long one guys, I'm really sorry but there's background!

Very good friend of mine (lets call her laura) has always been one of those 'centre of attention' girls. Always ill / having a crisis / something going wrong so people need to crowd around her. Theres been many many examples in the past of when I have had to drop what I'm doing to support her.

Examples:

I announce Im moving in with Steve, she announces she's getting married (they'd been together 2 months, none of us met him, and we never did, never saw a ring or anything. They split up about 2 months later)
I announce Im engaged and she congratulates me (I told all mate at the pub together) and then bursts into tears to explain her and her boyfriend are having a rocky patch. So my engagement isn't mentioned again as we're all supporting her.
At my engagement party she turned up alone (her and bloke got back together) and then announced he'd left her. The ENTIRE night was spent with people supporting her and crowding around her and telling her it would be ok.
She moved in with me over christmas due to splitting up with (another) boyfriend and being homeless. I had the week from hell. Me and Steve cancelled the wedding and then on Christmas Eve I got the sack. I came home from work in tears (non surprisingly) and she gave me a hug. Then burst into tears (seeing a theme here??) as she'd just found out her best friend had gone to prison for a crime she didnt commit. O.k, were best friends and I've never heard of this other friend, ever?

So yeah theres a lot of background here..

So as I said me and Steve cancelled the wedding which was booked for Friday 27th August. As you can imagine this hurt big time and Im dreading that weekend as I know I'll spend most of it crying, ALOT. Steve has suggested we go away for the weekend to distract ourselves.

Friend has just announced she is booking her 21st Birthday party for Friday 27th August. She rang me to ask if I had 'any plans' to which I said 'uhh no not any more' (hoping she'd get the hint) and all I got was 'great you can help me plan it!!'. I rang another mate to have a cry about it saying I can't believe she hasnt thought about this (especially when her birthday is 2 weeks prior to that date!), he said he'd mention it in passing. He's now rang back to say that she thinks Im being 'pathetic' and should 'get over it'. Apparently if I cant support her choice to have her birthday party when she wants then I'm obviously not a true friend??!!

And to make things worse she's managed to get a load of my best friends (we're a group) agreeing with her that I'm being childish and surely a party will take my mind off things.

I'm sorry, but thats the ONE weekend I wanted to avoid EVERYTHING and I would have thought she would know this.

Am I in the wrong here??

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Re: AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  Sarah sajo on Mon Mar 01, 2010 12:50 pm

I have a friend who is exactly the same, I wont go into all the details and over take your post but I know how you feel. Hope you get it sorted I dont think you are wrong I just think some people dont think. Hope you feel better soon xx
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Re: AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  Claire-Joannah-Rhymes2b on Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:20 pm

Oh babe - iam gonna be brutally honest here
What a selfish cow of a 'so called' friend you have. Iam sorry but is she the only one allowed to be upset? Your just supposed to 'get over' it when all the other times shes come to you upset re; certain things...it works both ways - and tbh - it sounds like shes all take take. I had a friend like this - she always had to do one better. It was all insecurities but in the end i realised i couldnt live my life trying to make her happy - she was looking after no 1 so i had too.
Babe your gonna have to explain to her that you WILL be going away in August - as you really need some couple time. It really sounds as if she is Jealous you have a strong relationship with h2b - something she obviously has never had - and as for all of your other friends, you dont know what version of events in her story shes told them - corner them individually and get your side of it across - iam sure they will be fine.
Sorry if this is harsh hun - but you have to start putting you and your relationship before her, its going to suffer otherwise. She has everytime by the sounds of it!Is that a true friend for you? Yes ofcourse you should as a friend need your mates in a time of crisis but as a true friend she should understand you and h2b have a life to live aswell! x
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Re: AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  Kaz&Rich on Mon Mar 01, 2010 3:14 pm

What a complete b*tch!!!!! Clearly it is her whi is not a true friend to you hun!!!

Tell her to get stuffed and go away with your H2B.

Hope you are ok!! ***Hugs***
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Re: AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  Irish_Bride_2_b on Tue Mar 02, 2010 3:43 am

I agree with the other girls - she sounds a total selfish nightmare, and I think that you have done more than enough for her. If she cannot see why you would be upset about the august weekend, then i personally dont rate her much as a friend.

As the others have said, i would go away with h2b - (although there is a part of me that sort of agrees with her that a distraction is just what you need, but the distraction should be about you, not her), say your sorry you cant make her party, explain why and leave it at that. If she gets arsey, i would tell her to 'get over it' and stop being 'pathetic'!

I think if you explain things to your other friends it will be ok, but then those that cant see it from your perspective are probably not the best friends in the world either?

I do think though, that maybe you should remind her of all the times you have supported her, and if she says 'thats what friends are for', agree, but say that it has to work both ways!

Thats the nice version of my opinion.... now for the mean one...


Go to her party - spend all night telling people how upset you are about your cancelled wedding, crying and generally being mean about how your friend is being inconsiderate etc by arranging this party...... you know, exactly how she has been, then bugger off for the rest of the weekend and leave her to stew!

Sorry, i dont mean to belittle what is going to be an awful time for you, but sometimes, people need a reminder that the world doesnt revolve around them!!
Also, sorry if i offend anyone!
Sending big hugs!
xx
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Re: AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  Claire-Joannah-Rhymes2b on Tue Mar 02, 2010 4:37 am

Very Happy Laughing
Love the second option! x
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Re: AGRHHH Why is it always about her????

Post  Irish_Bride_2_b on Tue Mar 02, 2010 7:16 am

Razz
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