Really need your advice sorry its long

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Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  Sarah sajo on Tue May 25, 2010 1:44 am

Hi girls, I have a problem, my hen party turned into a bit of a disaster at the end, me and one of my bms had a big falling out, she was actually the decent one, I am having my two best friends from school who I still see alot of, one of them lives in her own little world really so ii didnt expect much from her but I could let that pass as my other friend was being really helpful and good, I have had issues with her in the past as she was not very supportive when me and rik first got together, she just really wanted me to still be with my ex cause they got on well. Anyway at the weekend stuff happened with her husband and rik they had a bit of a falling out and it got back to us hens so i was defending rik and she was defending her hubby, she was sober I was drunk and I spent alot of time crying as you do when you are drunk and things seem worse than they are, she went back home on the sunday morning before anyone else got up. I text to ask if she was ok and she just said with what had gone on the night before she felt akward and had not slept much so had decided to go, I left it at that but then yesterday she started bombarding me with texts about how I had humilated her and going on and on, when I tried to defend myself she got even more angry and said some really horrible things to me, it was left at a point where we were both a little calmer but still not on good terms. Now I feel like its going to be a complete joke and the two people I have as bms I dont really even like right now, we are no where near as close as we used to be, I was originally going to ask riks sister and my cousin to be bms aswell but then we decided against it as we thought it might look odd with 4 bms and not many guests iykwim although we have asked them to be witnesses so they still feel part of it. I totally regret my decision now and feel like at least if i had had those 2 aswell I could at least feel like my bms were special to me. I just feel so sad and have cried for two days, I have woke up again this morning feeling no better I just feel really lost x
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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  zepsgal (admin) on Tue May 25, 2010 2:14 am

Aww sweetie, big ((((hugs)))) to you

This is the problem with being friends with other couples. Ive got the exact same problem with my CBM. Her boyfriend B is our best mans C's brother. Whenever B does something, she defends him, and of course me and h2b defend B, cos he is our mate, and we believe him.

I dont know what to suggest honey. Maybe leave it til tonight or tomorrow and give her a call. Explain that things have got out of hand, you want to put it behind you. Well, thats if that is what you want to do. Your only other option is to tell her not to be a bridesmaid, but you know that will probably ruin your friendship altogether.

x x x

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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  Sarah sajo on Tue May 25, 2010 2:19 am

I know thats the big thing and the same think Rik said, its all well and good telling her not to be bm (which at the min I really dont want) but how will it affect our relationship in the long run, if i do that then its going to be the end of it and I dont think I could be that mean anyway after she has already paid to come to Italy, I dont know how she is thinking either, she might even come to me and say she doesnt want to be anymore. Plus now I also have to try and think of new gifts for them, I had done a photo book for them I got it ready last week but did not order it as I wanted to wait for pics for hen party, now I wished I just had cause I cant bring myself to do it now, it just feels like a joke giving them both this book about how fantasic our friendship is when really its not and has not been for a while, so any BM gift suggestions would be welcome! x
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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  alison27_11 on Tue May 25, 2010 2:51 am

Didn't want to read and run. Sending hugs.

I know you dont have a lot of time left, but you should probably sleep on this for a couple of days. You both probably said things you didn't really mean and now things have got out of hand. Is Rik quite sensible about seeing both sides? Maybe sit down (and cry a lot) and talk it through with him.... see if you can see both sides. Think about how you will feel in a few years time if they dont attend your wedding (not just as bridesmaids but as guests). Hope this makes sense.

I fell out with my 2 best friends 4 years ago, and didn't go to either of their weddings because of it. It took 2 years before we spoke again and they will both be invited to my wedding because i couldn't see my day happening without them. I will say i really dont like one of their husbands (part of the reason for the fall out) but i have learnt to keep my mouth shut and not be too stubborn.

^^hugs^^
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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  Sarah sajo on Tue May 25, 2010 3:03 am

Yeah I had a good cry and a good talk to him yesterday, also spoke to his sister alot who has been great, Rik said that he can understand I am upset and he does not like the way she spoke to me, he also admitted that he could not see himself being mates with her husband if it was not the fact he is my friends hubby which I felt a bit bad about as I feel a bit like I have forced them all to be friends, he basically spent the whole day at his stag party defending friends hubby to his other mates as he does have a tendancy to rub people up the wrong way, Rik did say though that if I did not have her as bridesmaid then it could ruin our friendship, I dont plan on asking her not to be I guess I just feel more angry with myself that I didnt go with my first instinct and have the other 2 aswell but thats done now and I cant change anything and at least the other 2 do have a role and are the witnesses which I guess is kind of similar to bms just without the dress. Thanks for all your help once again! Dont know how I would have got through these wedding months without you all, you have all been great xx
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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  missusS on Tue May 25, 2010 12:21 pm

How horrible for you, big hugs, i don't really have any advice, but didn't want to read and run x
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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  KellyC2B on Tue May 25, 2010 3:20 pm

Oh hun, I got really upset for you reading that, especially so close to your wedding x

I'm not sure what the best course of action is now, maybe leave it another day or so and then give her a call, meet up for a coffee and just talk it through.
Lay all your cards on the table and see where it goes.

I hope it works out for you hunni... x
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Re: Really need your advice sorry its long

Post  Sarah sajo on Wed May 26, 2010 2:56 pm

Thanks girls, still not heard anything, just going to see how it goes, on the upside this time next week I will be finished work and packing probably! whoooooopp x
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