The baby talk, anyone had it?

I know a lot of you already have kids, but does anyone not have kids and had the talk?

We did last night and Steve has explained in his ideal world we would get started the second we're married. I can see his logic completely. He's wanted kids for years, he's not getting any younger (he'll be 38 when we get married) and he'd love our kids to be a similar age to his sisters (he was very close to his cousins growing up because they were close ages. I on the other hand was a lot younger and never saw my cousins).

Me? Well part of me wants kids and wants to make him a dad, as I know how happy it will make him. Part of me thinks I'm on 23 and I wouldnt know what to do with a baby??? Would I be a crap mum????

I spoke to a good friend today and she said she doesn't think Im not ready but maybe just scared Ill be crap at it, which most mums to be go through.

Ahhhh!!!!!

We don't have kids but we talk about them a lot, if my h2b had his way we would already have some but I always wanted to be married first, so we're gonna try once we're married. I go though *what if i'm not ready* or *what if i'm crap at being a mum* but I won't know till I have kids.

I'm sure you would be a great mum, the thought of kids is scary and everyone worries about how they will deal with it. I have a 13 year old and every day is a learning experience-even now and I thought I knew what I was doing cos I was a nursery nurse, I've had loads of experience in nurseries, primary schools and more recently secondary schools as I have also worked in school health, so I am fairly experienced working with kids of all ages, nothing prepares you for having your own though and lots of it is trial and error! I think that worrying about being a good mum is a good sign as it shows you're thinking beyond the idea of having a cute wee baby, the reality is hard work, but the most amazing and rewarding thing you could ever do.
But in answer to your question, we have decided not to have more, my son isn't hubbys, but he has been more of a dad to him than his biological father has. I think I'm too old to back to baby stuff (I'm 37 and hubby is 46) and I've also reached a stage in my life where I'm settled and financially secure which is important to me as my ex left big debt and insecurity when he left, so no more babies for me However, i always said I'd never get married again and I did, so maybe one day..................

Well, I'm not getting any younger (32) and my biological clock has well and truly started ticking over the last 6 months or so!

We've skirted the subject quite a bit - he wants kids, but not yet and I didn't but now do and can't help thinking that if it took him 8 yrs to propose because he kept saying "we'll get married but I'm not ready yet" I could easily be 40 before we get round to babies!!

We've discussed maybe trying the year after we get married (so 2012) which makes me excited and petrified in equal measures...

xx

ps. my BM told me yesterday that she's just had her 12 week scan, so I'm absolutely over the moon for her (I was her BM 15 months ago)

I think the way you are feeling is normal and is in a way a good thing! Our baby has come a little sooner than planned but we are both so happy but if I am completely honest I am crapping myself! I am 22 and in just under 5 months I will be a Mum! What makes it even more scary is that our baby is a boy and I don't have the first clue about boys! This will be the biggest learning experience for me but one I can't wait to learn.

I tell you though even though I am scared my excitement takes well and truly over, the thought of holding our baby is October melts all my fears away. Seeing him on scan pictures and feeling him kick daily makes me want to meet him even more. I never understood how people said it's unconditional love but I now understand that it is. He isn't here yet and I already love him more than anything and I am fiercley protective of him. I guess what I am trying to say is everyone gets scared at some point

I think you will know when you are ready for a baby tbh... your fear is natural, and i am sure you will make a great mum when the time is right!

Shane and I had a brief discussion about 3 weeks after we met as to whether either of us wanted children, and think we were both surprised when neither of us said we did want them. Obviously at that time, we didnt know where the relationship would go, but we have visited it on occasion during our 4 years (so far) together.

Neither of us has changed our mind; we dont want children, although we have said if one or the other becomes desperately broody we would discuss it again. I dont think i will ever change my mind on it though - i am 34, will be 35 when i get married, and i have no desire whatsoever for them. Sometimes i feel a little guilty as there are couples out there who long for a child and cant have any, but as far as I know (although have never fallen despite sometimes forgetting the pill/ condom broken/ not using anything!) I/we can have children but just dont want them.

Anyway, i am sure if you have a good chat with your h2b, he will listen and you will feel better about it all.

xx

I think you'll know when your ready.

We've had the talk. I've been broody for a while now, but we've agreed when I'm 25- which is next year. But... since H2Bs career may be taking a reckless turn, it may be sooner as he wants kids before he does anything too dangerous. However we will see what happens.

BTW- I'm absolutely terrified- I just trust in the fact women have been having babies for years and managed fine.

I have had the talk from everyone else, I already have people asking how soon after we are married are we going to start trying, let me get bloody married first. Me and Rik have said if it happens it happens but we wont try for another couple of years, we want a few more holidays yet x

Oh i love baby talk!!!! I'm particularly excited about anything at the moment, but have no idea why!
I already have a son (i had him at 23, not planned). I had always planned to have kids when i was 30 and settled in my career, but things never go the way you want, and i graduated from uni in the may, and fell pregnant in the july. I had never even held a baby until my son was born! I get married in 6 months and we have decided to start trying in 5 & a half months. We discussed waiting a while and having some 'us' time, but we both want babies 'NOW'. H2B cant wait till the wedding day as Joshua (son) says he will be able to call him daddy after this date!
So basically what I'm saying is a) how exciting; b) you will know when you are ready; c) dont panic about anything because it will all work out ok in the end and d) have fun trying in the meantime!
Blimey i am waffling on......

Okay Kris, now you done it. I've been lingering on this board for a while, haven't even logged in because of all the trouble I seemed to cause last time I did, but this post, I just had to comment on!

I had my first son when I was 16 - no, I didn't plan it, but my tw*t of an ex asked me to prove that I loved him - by not going on the pill when I was turning 16. So, me being the naive little teenager I was back then, I didn't. I had never even held a baby before at that age, never had to be near one, didn't have the first clue what to do with him when he was born. All I knew the minute he was born was that I loved him more than anything. Here we are now, 8 and a half years later, I'm 25 now, and I still love my boy more than anything, never regret him for a second, even if it's not the future I planned. It's the power of maternal instinct, and it comes as soon as baby is born, no matter how young you are. I also had to deal with being a single parent for 5 years until I met h2b, because previously mentioned tw*t decided to walk out of his sons life when he was just turning one year old, leaving me holding the baby at just 17. Also, when my boy was 2 and a half, so I would've been 18, I found out he was Autistic. Trust me Kris, if I can go through all that and still be a decent mum (not claiming to be the worlds best mum, but I'm certainly not the worst), I know that when you have a child, you will love it to no end, and you will be a good mum, because you care so much, before that baby is even conceived. And for the record, my gorgeous boy tells me almost every day that I'm the best mum in the world, so I can't be going far wrong! lol.

You do whatever is best hun, but the same as you want to wait, you have to rspect your h2b's age, and that he doesn't want to wait anymore. It's your choice, but being a mum is challenging, stressful, and scary. But I can honestly say it's the best job in the world! x

[quote="Charlie(10/07/10)"]Okay Kris, now you done it. I've been lingering on this board for a while, haven't even logged in because of all the trouble I seemed to cause last time I did...........

Eh?? did you????

Anyhoo.... welcome back - have missed seeing you on here!! Please keep posting! XXX

Hi Charlie, nice to see you back, I'd wondered where you were (although I've been just lurking recently!)
Lovely post hon.

xx

Thanks guys

Went to nurse today for re-prescription of pill (6 month supply) and I think I quite like the idea of this being my last pack....

Spoke to a mate today and said it would be well fun if we could announce it at our reception (which is about 6-8 weeks after our actual wedding) and he said 'whats wrong with getting pregnant before you go (like a few weeks before)' so hopefully you'd be about 10 - 12 weeks by the reception. And you know he's right. I could travel being very early pregnant couldnt I? Or is the morning sickness that bad, lol.

I have 6 months worth of pill left, and getting married in 7 months. Seems good timing to me...

And Charlie, what did you do? Lol

well, if you have your 12 week scan before the reception you could def announce it then...!

bugger, now I'm getting really broody!!

xx

kr15 wrote:Thanks guys

Went to nurse today for re-prescription of pill (6 month supply) and I think I quite like the idea of this being my last pack....

Spoke to a mate today and said it would be well fun if we could announce it at our reception (which is about 6-8 weeks after our actual wedding) and he said 'whats wrong with getting pregnant before you go (like a few weeks before)' so hopefully you'd be about 10 - 12 weeks by the reception. And you know he's right. I could travel being very early pregnant couldnt I? Or is the morning sickness that bad, lol.

I have 6 months worth of pill left, and getting married in 7 months. Seems good timing to me...

And Charlie, what did you do? Lol

As in on a plane?
I could be wrong but I think you have to be in the 2nd trimester before you can fly?

Everyone's morning sickness is different, I'm still being sick daily now and I'm 18 weeks on Saturday but some of my friends have had none!

Yeah I seem to think you cant fly that early in pregnancy either xx

I flew to Cancun when i was 5 weeks pregnant (didn't know at the time) and then home when i was 7 weeks...... and yes i did consume a lot of tequilla, but i wouldn't recommend it!
I wasn't ever sick (i was quite lucky) but i was more sleepy than I've ever been before (we put it down to the time difference!)

Ohhh, I'm excited for you already and its 6 months away!

Been having a look around and there is nothing wrong with flying that early on, but as a friend just pointed out do you really want morning sickness on a 24 hour flight to Australia? Lol good point. Plus there's the not drinking while out there and although I only have a few glasses if I know I'm pregnant I won't touch a drop.

Shame as it would have been perfect to announce is at the reception!

Ooo you should try when you are over there and then you could say it was concieved in oz and call it ozzy haha x

Morning everyone!!

Oh Im in two minds about the whole baby thing. I really want a family with Wull, we are the only couple in his family that doesnt have any kids, and we have been together the longest! I want to settle down, have a family and become a proper family, iykwim? But Im selfish! Can I honestly say that I wont regret this? That I wont resent having kids cos I cant go out without them or without finding a baby sitter? Will I really get up 20 times a night when the kids are teething?

I guess I will, cos you have to, but....... Oh I dont know. Its a massive decision to make really. We have talked about it and we do both want kids, but when is the right time? Wull said he wanted to wait another 10 years, I quickly told him where to stick that idea!! He wants to be about 37/38 before we even start to try for kids?? Dont think so!

Ive got the implant in just now, its due out in April 2012, maybe thats a good date for us?

lol, who know!!

[quote="zepsgal (admin)"]Morning everyone!!

But Im selfish! Can I honestly say that I wont regret this? That I wont resent having kids cos I cant go out without them or without finding a baby sitter? Will I really get up 20 times a night when the kids are teething?

Thats how both Shane and I feel tbh - we value our freedom, and although we dont have much money, we enjoy being able to go out/buy things etc for ourselves? I know that probably sounds really mean. We also dont want to bring children into a world where there are few decent jobs, there will be no decent pension for them, rubbish chances of getting on the property market, an education system that needs an overhaul and probably by the time they are older, the NHS would of been run into the ground!!
I know that all sounds a little extreme, and some of this is due to the way you raise your children, and teach them respect and a good work ethic etc but we just dont want the hassle - we're mean, we know but thats how we feel.

Irish Bride I think the way you feel is totally upto you. There is nowhere in the law that states you HAVE to have kids is there?
If your happy just the two of you then just stay the two of you! No point bringing a baby into the world if you both don't want kids

ExcitedBrunetteBride2Be wrote:Irish Bride I think the way you feel is totally upto you. There is nowhere in the law that states you HAVE to have kids is there?
If your happy just the two of you then just stay the two of you! No point bringing a baby into the world if you both don't want kids

Exactly - but I know our parents are disappointed by our decision. Other people also keep saying we will change our minds and it gets really annoying...... i could go on,but i wont hijack Kris' post!! xx
Still, you cant have kids just cos you feel obliged to or for other peoples sakes can you?
xx

My H2B has been nagging at me for years, he is a big kid and just wants someone to play with I think!

My issue is around space and money at the moment (I am the sensible one!), we have a one bed maisonette so would need to move house and we don't have enough for the deposit at the moment. I have said that we will move after the wedding and try after that.. we'll see!

You can only do it when you are ready, and although we feel selfish now, that feeling and your priorities soon change!

I would wait till after the wedding if I were you Kris, as lovely as it would be to announce it at the reception, I would want to draw out all the excitement! Get the wedding done and enjoy that, have the party and enjoy that, then have an I'm pregnant party and enjoy that too! But that is only my opinion. You do what is right for you x

Hijack away! We're all here to discuss our baby related woes!

Well I think we've decided we're gonna go for it once we're married I wondered if steve was excited and i text him this morning asking 'so you looking forward to hopefully being a daddy next year?' to which he said 'next year? Im gonna start trying in 7 months and 3 days!!!!'

So yeh I guess he's excited