Mother of the bride issue - sorry it goes on a bit

Hi All

Need some advice, support and possibly some inspiration

To give you some backgorund... few years back Mum had a really nasty car accident and then about 8 months later had to under go major surgery to repair her collar bone. Then in Jan 2008 she had to have a hip replacement (she was only 52) and was off work for 7 months. There is also a huge family issue around money etc and the fact that Mum's sister is fairly well off where as my parents lost everything about 10 years ago as Dad went into business with a friend, only to later find out that said friend had embezzled several million from the company My Aunt shops in places like Country Casuals, House of Fraser, Phase Eight etc which my Mum can't afford to do. My Aunt was visiting the other week and was making comments to my Mum about MOB outfits and I suspect from comments from my Mum that she was looking down her nose at the fact Mum was looking in BHS, Wallis and M&S at outfits for the wedding.

Mum, my sister and I have been out today and Mum has made comments about having to spend a fortune on an outfit for my wedding so as not to be 'shown up' by her sister. I am really upset that she feels like this esp as she was determined she didn't want to wear a dress or skirt as she has put on so much weight since her accident and hip op. I want her to feel comfy and happy in whatever she wears but I don't want her spending a small fortune when I know she can't afford it! She's seen a dress by some designer in House of Fraser which was over £200 and she'd want the little jacket (£150), shoes and bag to match so is looking at about £500 (my dress was only £200) and I am feeling really awful that she is feeling like this.

How do i tell my mum i'd rather she wore something she felt happy in than a stupidly expensive outfit that she will spend the whole day feeling insecure in???

I don't know what to suggest. Alot of the time I think clothes brought from the typical high street shops look alot better than the really expensive clothes anyway! I'm sorry your aunt has made your mum feel like she has to "keep up with the jones's", but you need to explain to your mum that it's not how much money she spends on her outfit that matters, it's how good she looks and feels in it. Sorry, I'm not being much help. Hugs. x

That is a shame for your mum and very unsupportive of your aunt. How snobby! I would just try to reassure her that she should wear what she can afford and feels comfortable in. Could you maybe go shopping with her and really make her feel special when trying outfits on?

Your poor mum, how unkind of your aunt to make her feel like that, at the end of the day the cost doesn't matter as long as your mum is happy and comfortable, how about a really nice day out with your mum looking for outfits like sinky suggested, and lightheartedly say something about how much your dress cost and that she can't outshine you with a more expensive outfit? I don't know if that has come across the way I meant it to sound? I know that with my mum I could say something like that and she wouldn't take offence if it was said the right way. Hope that makes sense! x

Aw, your poor mum!

My mum got her outfit from Debenhams - its a dress and jacket, which cost £150, she got a hat in the sale for £20 and shoes for £10, and when she tried it on, i nearly cried as she looked lovely!

So, i guess what i am saying is that you can get some lovely stuff on the high street, that you dont have to pay the earth for. I would have a chat with your mum,and say how proud you are of her and everything that she has been through, and that you want her to be comfortable in whatever she wears, and also that she could wear an old sack and you wouldnt care as she is your mum, and the mother of the bride and your aunty can go an blow a mortgage on an outfit, but she will never be mother of the bride!!!

Have you thought about looking into hiring something for her? You can get some lovely clothes that you can hire, and no one would ever need to know? Another option would be to look on places like preloved.co.uk, or even ebay for a really good bargain? Its maybe not the same as buying brand new, but if she feels and looks good in it, then who cares?

I would also tell your Aunt that you are the bride/centre of attention, not her so to keep her flashy-ass spending to herself!! LOL (sorry!!)

xx

Sales sales sales! Not sure when your wedding is but there's bound to be a big sale in the shops sooner or later? My mum got her outfit for less than half price in the Debenhams sale. It was so cheap she even managed to get two pairs of the trouser to convert into a skirt!

(Wonder what your aunt would think of me? I think Wallis and M&S are right posh! )